So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
