1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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