I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
