she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish life had little blips of pornography
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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