It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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