No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
