I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
