He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
