i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Randomize
