i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
