i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
