Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Randomize
