you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
