Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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