Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
