can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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