you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
