And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Randomize
