oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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