Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Alive.
So much puke
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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