She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
