Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
