Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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