Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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