So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
