I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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