11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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