Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
