It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
