I wannas sexs uuuuu
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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