Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
be right there i have to get my cape
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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