The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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