haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
