After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
