can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
