in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize