What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Randomize
