It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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