I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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