Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
