Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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