So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
