hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
