remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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