After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You pole danced in your parka.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
