wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize