and she was petting her beer can
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
