I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
