Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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