Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
