May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
