Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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