She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
