he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
