My sheets look like a crime scene.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Randomize
