i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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