tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
