oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
