This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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