shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
