I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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