Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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