He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
