Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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