The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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