did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I CAN MOONWALK!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
