Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
