I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
