So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
