ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
