There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Randomize
