It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
