Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
