i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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